I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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