hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nicole vs. Life
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
