I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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