I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My penis needs a shock collar
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
