she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
