she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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