she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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