I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
