All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Shame is for Republicans.
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