did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
