Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
