ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
