Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
