remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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