Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
do nipples grow back?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
