just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
