Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I cut my penus on the lid.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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