Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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