I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
