he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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