its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
