we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
