If that was your dad, he is hot
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
