She's JV to your varsity
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
