And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
