the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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