i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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