ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
