The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
