I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
