well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
