just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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