it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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