I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
