i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
