you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
