She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
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