i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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