these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I've blown a few things in my day
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
