even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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