Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
