We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
