i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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