I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
