Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
