a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
