she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
