tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
