They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
