is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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