Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
