This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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