he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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