just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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