My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
