i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
