I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
