bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
