She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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