haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
